View source for Love On The Rocks: Inside China apos;s Marriage Counselling Boom

The number of registered divorces in China reached a record 8.6 million in 2020, eclipsing the number of marriage registrations for the first time<br>  <br>From a small office in Shanghai, marriage counsellor Zhu Shenyong livestreams advice over several phones simultaneously to an attentive audience keen to save their relationships.<br> <br>On his wall hangs the mantra: "Let there be no bad marriages under heaven." But in the earthly realities of modern China, divorce rates are surging, and Zhu's services are in high demand.<br> <br>"I always say that Chinese marriage counselling is mostly like treating late-stage cancer," said Zhu, explaining the majority of his clients arrive in "absolute crisis".<br> <br>"Only a minority are considering divorce, but want advice on whether it's the right thing to do," said the indefatigable 44-year-old, who wears a flat cap during his streaming sessions.<br> <br>Earlier this year, Zhu went viral after claiming that he makes one million yuan ($154,000) a year.<br> <br>Now he pulls up to 500 viewers whenever he goes online, in a mission he describes as to "avoid unnecessary divorces".<br>          Zhu Shenyong says Chinese marriage counselling is "mostly like treating late-stage cancer"<br>  <br>But Zhu is also a realist who strives to help couples find the softest landing as a relationship breaks up, for the sake of their children.<br> <br>The number of registered divorces in China reached a record 8.6 million in 2020 -- almost double the 2019 total and eclipsing the number of marriage registrations for the first time, according to government data.<br> <br>After decades of the "one-child policy", China faces a stark gender imbalance with 30 million more men than women. Coupled with rock-bottom birth rates, a demographic crisis is looming on the horizon.<br> <br>Family pressure to wed early, the competitive grind of urban life, skyrocketing house prices, inadequate childcare and career support for mothers: all these are fraying marriages, especially among a younger generation who prioritise personal freedom.<br> <br>"From a positive perspective, divorce is a manifestation of civilised society and of women's awakening," Zhu said,  [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-trung-quoc-quang-chau-tham-quyen-bang-tuong-5-ngay.html kynghidongduong.vn] adding affairs and money problems are also prime triggers for divorce.<br> <br>With the birth rate nosediving, The Lancet recently predicted China's population could halve by 2100,  [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-trung-quoc-quang-chau-tham-quyen-bang-tuong-5-ngay.html tour quảng châu] falling behind India and Nigeria.<br> <br>That has spooked the government, which is now encouraging its citizens to get married -- and stay married.<br> <br>- 'It's extremely unfair' -<br> <br>Lawmakers last year introduced a mandatory 30-day cooling-off period for divorce by agreement,  [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-trung-quoc-quang-chau-tham-quyen-bang-tuong-5-ngay.html tour quảng châu] which previously could be settled within a day.<br> <br>The aim was to prevent impulsive divorces, but rights advocates fear it is trapping women in abusive marriages as it can be extended indefinitely if one side refuses to agree.<br>          Family pressure to wed early, the competitive grind of urban life, skyrocketing house prices and inadequate career support for mothers are all fraying marriages<br>  <br>"The 'divorce cooling-off period' has become a 'divorce abuse period', which completely deviates from its original purpose," said Guangzhou marriage lawyer Wang Youbai.<br> <br>"It's extremely unfair to sufferers of domestic violence ... who are eager to escape from their unhappy marriages."<br> <br>The other method, divorce by court litigation, usually takes one to two years, said Beijing marriage lawyer Yi Yi, with significantly higher costs.<br> <br>Many Chinese provinces have rolled out state-organised counselling for tens of thousands of couples, including newlyweds and marriages on the verge of a breakdown.<br> <br>In central Wuhan, city authorities attributed the 'cooling-off period' to rescuing almost two-thirds of the marriages of the 3,096 couples who applied for divorce in January alone.<br> <br>Counsellors are also permanently stationed in all marriage registry offices in Beijing.<br> <br>- 'We don't think it's shameful' -<br> <br>But for 36-year-old civil servant Wallace, mandatory mediation sessions came too late to alter the course of his divorce.<br> <br>It was granted by a Shanghai court last summer after a year of pandemic-related delays, ending a three-year marriage which he says failed due to interference from in-laws.<br> <br>"For those who really want to divorce, (mediation) is just a formality," he said.<br>          Pressures persist -- especially on Chinese women -- to marry young and have children<br>  <br>Wallace is among a growing cohort of Chinese millennials disillusioned with marriage -- and of the government push to encourage it.<br> <br>Many of his friends are preoccupied with getting into marriages, and then escaping them.<br> <br>"Some marry just as a compromise, without having considered whether they can tolerate their partner's weaknesses."<br> <br>He blames Shanghai's high divorce rate partly on what is locally known as "involution" -- a form of social stagnation in China's hyper-competitive, status-driven urban centres that leaves people increasingly dissatisfied with their lives.<br> <br>[http://imgur.com/hot?q=Wallace Wallace] now [http://data.gov.uk/data/search?q=likens%20marriage likens marriage] to a risky bet.<br><br>"If you know there is a 50 percent chance of failure, would you still want to speculate?" he said.<br> <br>Pressures persist -- especially on women -- to marry young and have children. But more Chinese women are also refusing to cave in, with marriage registrations last year falling to their lowest level in nearly two decades.<br> <br>For 31-year-old Vivien, who married after a whirlwind romance, divorce is not something to fear but a path towards emancipation.<br> <br>"Our elders' mindset is: divorce means nobody wants you... but my generation thinks it is just a personal choice," she says.<br> <br>"We don't think it's shameful, but instead admire those who successfully divorce."<br>